FROM TIME to time, even the most loving couples have painful arguments. Some of this discord begins when one partner’s feelings are hurt by something the other has said or done.

Sometimes the injured party withdraws, leaving the other feeling bewildered and abandoned. Other times, the one who first felt attacked counters by fighting back. Frequently, these exchanges escalate into a contest of wills about who has been the more offensive.

“I can’t believe you’d do anything that bad.”

“You do things that are even worse!”

Some arguing is necessary and can be productive in working out ways to live together more comfortably, but not the sort of retorts and critical remarks that are intended to hurt.

A relationship doesn’t get better by one partner making the other feel bad.