To some degree, everyone has a divided personality. Even those who grew up in near-optimal circumstances find reasons to disavow some parts of their selves. However, the protection of this disowning causes its own kind of pain. For all of us, reclaiming our unacceptable aspects helps put our selves back together into a happier whole.

Before we can do this, we need to be aware of what it feels like to have a self of our own. The boundary between self and not-self is a crucial experience. Most of the time we are not “self-conscious” of the psycho-logical or the physical “me” until the boundaries of one or the other is challenged. When we are threatened with being violated physically or emotionally, our boundaries become painfully clear, if only on an intuitive level.

When your gut-level says, “Hey, you can’t do that to me!” it’s a clear signal that what you feel a need to defend is a part of yourself.

To find a self of your own, you have to discover where you begin and other people end.