It’s really hard to come to terms with the idea that we will be accepted, liked, and loved because of who we are now, rather than because of what we have done in the past or what we will do in the future.

When we acknowledge that others’ feelings for us do not depend on what we do, we begin to experience just how helpless we really are. If instead we hold on to the illusion that we can make someone love us—do something so someone will care – then we can keep on trying (no matter how unhappy that makes us). We can bribe or intimidate people, but once they get to know us, we can’t control how they will feel about us of their own free will.

Once it’s clear we can’t get love by being good, or by being bad for that matter, we will simply have to settle for struggling along. Continuing honest efforts will have to be good enough to be considered doing our best.

Like it or not, we’ll be loved for who we are, not who we were or who we want to be.