ALTHOUGH THERE are rare and wonderful occasions when strangers connect with each other almost immediately, most of us find that getting to know each other is more difficult. Whatever the chemistry between two people who have just met, developing a truly personal relationship takes time.
Time is necessary, but it is not sufficient. Some people meet often, spend long periods together, and never get any closer than when they first met. “We’ve talked together every Friday for six months,” may really mean, “We’ve had one talk twenty-four times.”
If we want to get to know what other people are like inside, it’s often necessary to risk revealing ourselves before they are willing to do the same. Yet, many of us avoid showing our neediness without first feeling reassured that the other person can be trusted.
There’s nothing wrong with beginning a relationship in a way that allows both of you to feel safe. One way is to establish caring connections on grounds that are personal, but still allow your secret self to stay safely hidden.
If you want to make a friend, ask a favor.
—Chinese proverb