It’s important for us to learn what we might say or do that is likely to hurt someone’s feelings. We need to be especially attentive to the heightened vulnerability of members of oppressed groups. Also, whenever possible, we need to keep in mind the idiosyncratic sore spots of anyone we’re dealing with.
Having this information is necessary, but not sufficient. If we want to avoid hurting someone’s feelings without intending to do them harm, we then must willingly attend carefully to what we understand about whatever might feel abrasive to their vulnerability.
Once we understand and attend to how to avoid hurting another person accidentally, we also accrue the fringe benefit of having a more relaxed relationship with that person.
Try not to hurt anyone unless you really mean to.