In dealing with conflicts, the Hasidics said, each of us must begin with ourselves. Rather than simply blaming the other person, we must take on the difficult responsibility of turning our attention to our own part in the problem, with no more than the hope that the other will do the same.
But, the heart-searching involved in conflict or any other of our difficulties is a part of the human struggle that is never solved once and for all by anyone , no matter how holy or how mature one might be.
When the Baal Shem Tov, the first spiritual leader of the Hasidics, was asked how one could tell whether or not a teacher was a real Hasidic rabbi, he suggested that the teacher be asked for advice on how to rid oneself permanently of temptation to evil, how to expel alien thoughts forever. If he offered such advice , he was of no real importance as a teacher. For with the evil urge, “a man must struggle until his last moment, and just that is the service of a man in the world.”
We must accept responsibility for ourselves every day for the rest of our lives.