WHEN SOMEONE we love is hurting, in our hearts we hurt too because their suffering matters so much to us. We wish we could make them stop hurting, even if it means taking their place and absorbing their pain. In a way, it’s easy to say, “I wish this had happened to me instead of to you,” but perhaps that’s because there’s no chance things will work out that way.
In some situations we can ease the suffering of the ones we love by temporarily assuming some of their responsibilities, by attending to their needs, or by distracting them from their pain. This requires more effort than simply wishing we could take their place and is of more help to our suffering beloved.
But the deepest show of devotion is also the most difficult: accepting our helplessness to alleviate the personal pain of those we love and honoring the intensity of their agony while willingly standing by them and graciously listening to the complaints that their suffering entitles them to express.
Our deepest devotion is often expressed by our willingness to be there to share our loved one’s pain.