When we deny that we really want to do what we think we shouldn’t do, it can be difficult to maintain our idealized self-images. Sometimes we have to set aside the urges we feel as too earthy to be openly expressed, too savage to be even privately fantasized.
A good deal of psychic energy is consumed to hide or contain the parts of ourselves that we have been taught to disapprove of and so to disavow. The more rigidly divided we are, the more compulsive the vigilance required to ward off the threat of losing control. Yet, when we do slip from time to time, as we all must do, we feel publicly disgraced. Trying to discount or minimize the exposure, we only make ourselves look worse in the eyes of those we imagine are watching our every move.
When we realize how little what we do matters to other people, we feel more free to reveal our inner selves.