Relationships with others always challenge us to work through conflict. At those times, it’s hard to remain sensible and unselfish. If we acknowledge and accept all the awful, hidden parts of ourselves, it seems that we would create even more difficulties with other people. Actually, the opposite is true.
Identifying our unthinkable aspects need not involve indulging them. Once we recognize these peculiarities, we are better able to prevent them from negatively affecting our relationships. The more we accept our awful aspects, the less we project them on others. When we stop using other people as containers for the unacceptable parts of our self, we give up denying how disappointing, inconsistent, imperfect, and inadequate our own personality has seemed to us.
If, instead, we expand our idealized self-images to include all we might wish we weren’t, then we can treat other people with the respect due their wholly separate souls.
When we make ourselves feel better by diminishing other people we leave little room for mutually respectful relationships.