The threshold of each new stage of life involves a crisis. Also, there are almost daily small losses that seem part of growing up, and that recur throughout our lives.
When the important transitions occur, they seem too painful to endure without the protection of a temporary hedge. For example, when a loved one dies, the stages of grief—the initial numbing shock and the denial — help the mourner from being consumed by sorrow. When crises come too early, or come on us too savagely, or must be faced in an atmosphere of emotional hypocrisy, the needed protection of pretending may become an enduring lifestyle.
If we stay stuck in perpetual denial, we are handicapped with a naive understanding of what will bring happiness—a belief that causes us unnecessary dis-appointment and exaggerated suffering. Denial of real danger makes it easier to get hurt.
The temporary protection of pretending must be exchanged for the enduring protection of our understanding life as it is.