We make a mistake when we believe that we must continually give up our own wants and needs in order to love others. There are times of sacrifice to be sure, but loving others does not imply a life of selfless service.
When one spiritual teacher found that a guest at his table had not begun to eat with the others, he asked the man why. The guest humbly replied that he had no spoon. “Look,” said the teacher, “you must know enough to ask for a spoon, and a plate, too, if need be!”
If we try to live a life of self-sacrifice and personal denial, most of us will soon demand attention for being martyrs or blame others for making us victims. And, as Drs. Jordan and Margaret Paul explain in Do I Have to Give Up Me to Be Loved by You?, if our loving behavior compromises our own personal growth, most likely our intent is not to give love but to get love for ourselves.
We treat our loved ones well by taking good care of ourselves.