SHAME HAS long been misunderstood. Embarrassment is not shame, and also shame is not guilt.
Guilt is the anxiety that goes with something you’ve done that you believe is wrong. Shame is the anxiety over disapproval that you have failed to meet certain ego ideals. Shame is a learned piece of personal pathology, having to do with unfulfilled expectations. Instead of being rooted in situations of the moment, shame is centered in a person’s overall appraisal of what he or she is worth as a human being. The stakes are exorbitantly high because shame carries with it the threats of abandonment, loss of love, and ultimate emotional starvation.
Feeling ashamed of ourselves when we make a mistake or do something foolish means that we have a low regard for our own self-worth. Blaming our parents for whatever they did to create our sense of shame is easy, but it is also irrelevant. You and your feelings are your responsibility now.
What you think of yourself is up to you.