Many of our unhappy struggles with other people— even those we love— are the outcome of our trying to control each other. Each of us tries to turn the other into what we want him or her to be.
The first step in resolving such struggles is to acknowledge the ways in which our own need to control have contributed to the problem. Then one of us needs to give in. The one who is most aware of his or her part in creating the trouble must be the first one to take responsibility for giving up trying to change the other.
When you are unable to exercise the self-control you intend, try taking charge by indulging your need to be all-powerful. Think about what it would be like to tell the person you’re struggling with, “What I really want is to have everything my own way all the time. I want to control you so you will comply with all my desires.”
We must be careful not to confuse having our own way with getting what we really want.