Some people complain that they don’t have a chance to confront people who mistreat them, pleading they didn’t know how they felt until it was too late to do anything about it. Using this lack of awareness in the moment of conflict as an excuse means the same submissive behavior is sure to continue.
There is another option. It’s often possible to write or call the offending person as soon as we recognize that we have been abused. It’s also possible to take the matter up the next time we meet. This may seem like a way of making unnecessary trouble, but in the long run, it amounts to accepting responsibility for one deliberate piece of unpleasantness, rather than passively encouraging unintended repeated occasions of conflict.
When we give up using our slow uptake as an excuse, gradually the gap will close between the time we are mistreated and the moment we recognize how upset we are. And unless we are willing to deliberately confront those who mistreat us, helplessness and resentment build up that will ruin the relationship.
It pays to go back and clean up whatever messes we’ve overlooked.