Some of us are disdainful and suspicious whenever anyone acts kindly toward us. We wonder what they’re up to or what they’re after. It’s difficult to imagine there is no ulterior motive masked by their apparent generosity. As a result, we withdraw in ways that leave them feeling rejected. Or we may meet them with wariness that they find critical and off-putting. When they back away from us as a result, we experience their defensive reaction as confirmation that our original suspicions were correct.
Some of us acquired this distrust from dealing with repeated experiences of unexpected betrayal early in our lives. At the time, being suspicious was a sensible reaction, but our residual distrust often is no longer needed.
The only cure for our paranoia is grief. We need to re-experience the anguish of having trusted and been betrayed, to feel the depth of our disappointment, and mourn our losses. Eventually we’ll be willing to trust once more. Certainly we risk being hurt again, but if we don’t, we give up hope of ever getting what some other people might be happy to give us.
Sometimes it’s better to be sorry than safe.