IS THERE no end to striving? Even the question is exhausting if we are continually trying to get everything just right instead of simply doing as well as we can. It may not seem like it, but when we insist that everything be just right before we feel really good about it, and so feel really good about ourselves, we are pursuing perfection. Probably it feels just the opposite, as if we are settling for too little, not trying for too much.
When we judge our feelings all good or all bad, we are working, hoping, waiting for everything to be perfect before we feel good enough. It follows that the way we judge ourselves is discouraging. One false move and we feel like failures. Also, our perfectionism is hard on our relationships. To be successful, our marriages must provide enough satisfaction that we won’t need anything else.
We want our attachment to whatever we idealize to provide everything we could ever want all the time. This idealistic attitude makes it difficult for us to accept the less-than-perfect, pleasures afforded to ordinary people.
When we stubbornly demand “All or nothing!” life responds, “Very well then, nothing!”