When we don’t feel entitled to having our wishes fulfilled, paradoxically, we may become demandingly dependant. For example, a friend asks what movie we’d like to go see together. We answer, “Whatever you want to see will be fine with me.” The other person mentions two nearby film showings and expresses a preference. It’s not the one we would have chosen, but our muted complaint is expressed only in our unenthusiastic tone.
Our friend hears what we are pretending not to communicate and suggests that instead we attend the other film. Instead of graciously accepting the accommodation to our unclearly stated wishes, we ask again and again, “Are you sure that’s all right with you?” If we continue these pesky demands for reassurance, then the next time we go out our friend may well not bother to feed our insatiable hunger for being told that it’s all right for us to get what we want.
If there’s something you want, ask for it; you’ll have a better chance of getting it.