Our reluctance to accept being on own is understandable. Learning that we have to take care of ourselves is one of the more painful losses of innocence. But, as adults, we can still count on others to look after us some of the time. Someone else may attend to our needs as an act of love or kindness, or simply because their services are for hire. But our well-being is rarely (if ever) as fundamentally important to anyone else as their own.

Too much care is not a help to anyone. Unfortunately, many personal and professional caretakers are unconsciously focused on filling their own unmet needs for care. As a result, the real needs of those in their care- children, spouses, patients- are disregarded.

The best nurturing support and healthy helping is reliable, but not chronic. When the caretaker allows some options for self-reliance, the cared for end up better able tot take care of themselves.

Trying to fix your broken places by repairing someone else can cause both of you a lot of harm.