RELATIONSHIP MATHEMATICS

bullet Smart man + smart woman = romance
bullet Smart man + dumb woman = affair
bullet Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
bullet Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

bullet Smart boss + smart employee = profit
bullet Smart boss + dumb employee = production
bullet Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
bullet Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
SHOPPING MATH
bullet A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
bullet A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

bullet A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
bullet A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
bullet A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
bullet A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS

bullet To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
bullet To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
LONGEVITY Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
MEMORY Any married man should forget his mistakes, there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.
APPEARANCE
bullet Men wake up as good-looking (or ugly) as they went to bed.
bullet Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
bullet A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
bullet A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
bullet A woman has the last word in any argument.
bullet Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
COMPREHENSION There are two times when a man doesn’t understand a woman :
bullet before marriage and
bullet after marriage.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
bullet Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, cackling and poking me in the ribs, telling me, “You’re next.”
bullet They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
MARRIAGE, BEFORE AND AFTER
bullet Before marriage, man yearns for the woman of his dreams. After marriage, the “y” is silent